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Submitted on
December 8, 2012
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What I wouldn't give

To feel my heartbeat
For someone
Other than myself
Again

To dream
Of a girl
To hold me
Close
Enough to feel
Her heartbeat.

To watch her
As she slept next to me
And never want
To think of my life
Away from her

What I wouldn't give
To be in love
Again.
Its shitty I know, but please, comments?
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:iconsmokeytehkitteh:
Smokeytehkitteh Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2013  Professional Writer
Amazing...That's all I can say.
Reply
:iconmuteassassin:
MuteAssassin Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2013
Thank you, as always. :)
Reply
:iconsmokeytehkitteh:
Smokeytehkitteh Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2013  Professional Writer
You're welcome again! :)
Reply
:iconriseandbe:
RiseandBe Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is aching and honest. I like it's simplicity. The flow is a little choppy, but it almost adds to the heartache. The only advice I would give is to change the words 'them' and 'they' in the third stanza to 'her' and 'she.' I think it would give it a softer, more personal feel. But that's just my opinion. Nice piece.
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:iconmuteassassin:
MuteAssassin Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012
Thanks. I started out writing it as "someone" and not "a girl" so everyone could relate but I felt to detached from it. I thought I edited it all to her and she instead of them and they thank you for catching that
Reply
:iconriseandbe:
RiseandBe Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh yea, I totally get that. No problem!
Reply
:icondarksxkitten:
DarkSxKitten Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is a great piece. There is a lot of emotion in this one.
Reply
:iconmuteassassin:
MuteAssassin Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012
Thank you
Reply
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